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(copied pasted from my xanga) all this was written yesterday.

god why do we care so much what someones myspace says? for me i guess itapos;s because now itapos;s my only connection to jay. The only way to know anything about him anymore. A week after we split, he finally changed his myspace page to single. And took off the introduction we had written together. I guess it was time. I knew it wouldnapos;t stay forever. He changed it to single. Looking for dating, friends, serious relationships. My god, i could have died. 1 week later and youapos;re looking for all that. I canapos;t even fall asleep at night without you there and youapos;re ready to move on? he changed his song to never enough by five finger punch. I looked up lyrics cause i donapos;t know that song. I felt so horrible. I emailed him with this long apologetic thing. I hope he took it to heart. I hope he knows how sorry i truely am. He changed his profile. To single. Looking for, friends. Not dating. Not serious relationships. Although now i wonder if itapos;s just cause he knows i look at his page. Or if its how he feels. I donapos;t know. I wonder.

fuck. I miss him.

ok so i had to eat today and hereapos;s why.

Around 3:30pm today, I began having the most excruciating pain in my lower back and ovaries. Unable to kill the pain with my own medicine, I had to go to the emergency room. I was violated so horribly. I had to have an ultrasound done on my pelvic, kidneys and ovaries. Which of course involved having an 8 inch rod inserted into my no-no hole and I was poked in the most uncomfortable ways. I almost died when they were pressing on my ovaries. The pain was so bad I ended up crying my eyes out and then proceeded to puke. I donapos;t know if I puked from the pain or because basically my worst fear was then confirmed with that ultrasound. I think it was both, mostly the latter though.

2 hours in and I still hadnapos;t gotten any pain medicine. After being wheeled back to my room, I got a shot in the ass. Ouchie. That kicked in 20 mins later and only lasted 45 mins. Then 1.5 hours later, I managed to get the doctor back in there and got him to order me another shot. This time it was pain and nausea medicine mixed in one. I think it actually made me nauseous rather than not. But I havenapos;t eaten anything all day so that had something to do with it. Then 30 minutes later I was released. With a percocet prescription.

Things are just not well for me lately. First things with Jason. Now finding out what is wrong with me tonight. Day by day my life is taking a turn for the worse. Not only that, now I have a hospital bill with no health insurance.

So I had to eat because iapos;m taking medication. For the next few days or longer. GRRR. It hurts so fucking bad. Iapos;ve never taken percocet so iapos;m hoping it does me well.

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Matt Hyles
October 20th 2008
ASL�1

1.��� �How do you show plurality?� Give 3 examples.
There are many different ways to pluralize in sign language, some of them are.
-You can use a sweeping motion motion like when you are signing "They"
-You can repeat the sign multiple times like when showing the amount of children.
-You can sign many or much prior to the sign you want to pluralize like many Cars

2.��� How do we establish the tense or time-frame of a sentence?� Give some concepts for the future, present and past.
Generally you try and establish the tense prior to the beginning of your sentence.� we were taught to use the signs for future/next, present/now, and past/last to distinguish the tense.
you still sign your sentence the same no matter what the tense is, as long as you make it known which tense you mean to be in.

3.��� How do we show the nearness or recentness of an event?
depending on how closly to your body you sign can help to express the recentness of an event.� Also weather or not you sign it in front of you or behind can show future or past.

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Bloody morning sickness...

When I miscarried, I distinctly remember, one morning as I called God on the great white phone, saying "Oh God, please make this stop" Lo and behold, it did, but not in a favourable outcome...

With Pers, I counted myself lucky to have morning sickness and considered it a blessing.

With TimeLord, I was quite anxious at first when I appeared to have no morning sickness, but then it kicked in with a vengeance. I feel like crap and Iapos;m kind of over feeling like crap... But Iapos;m still a little reluctant to wish it away...

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I am soooooooooooooooo bored since i have all this free time til noon. Its good though cuz I decided to go uninvisable with yahoo cuz i havent in awhile and all these nice subbies started IMing me that i havent chatted with in forever.....im talking the good ones close to my age, not the old guys. So im pretty entertained =)

Im glad he left now....


I canapos;t believe hes not even gonna talk to me while he drives since its so far away. He hasnapos;t even tried to call me at all since I signed off pissed off. He is supposed to make me feel better about how bad he sucks, but totally didnapos;t do that. Its ok. Im not talking to him til Tuesday night now....who knows maybe i wont be online Tuesday either. That would be hilarious. This is not a Mistress you want to disappoint and I guess I havenapos;t rammed that into his head enough.
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I was doing some housecleaning on my friends list yesterday - Iapos;m not planning on participating anymore in the local SCA. I plan on going to Estrella War in February - for the sole reason that my boyfriend has never been. If it were only up to me, I wouldnapos;t even go to that event.

I deleted several friends from my friends list who were SCA-friends. If you were deleted, it wasnapos;t anything personal - just a mass deletion of folks in my SCA category. If I accidentally lost you, let me know, and Iapos;ll add you back.

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Thereapos;s a reason iapos;m not dating any of the dudes youapos;ve sent me lately. I donapos;t like the fact that they came to like me through my writing; it weirds me out, seeing as how almost every poem i write is about joe pitts. Also, some of them are just not on the ball with many things. Look, iapos;m not being picky, but the only ones that say they want to keep me are the ones that donapos;t deserve me, or understand me, and have nothing else to loose.

and chris isnapos;t talking to me anymore. We werenapos;t talking because he was an asshole and said some really horrible things to me and then i go to him and say "i dont want to yell at you, i dont like doing that, i just care about you" and he said "the thing to do is not worry about it" and i cant handle that bullshit. You know how many times i called him and texted him in the beginning of the year? what a douche bag. What a fucking douche bag. I never ignored him last year, even when i was iffy or not into it, i always spoke to him and spent time with him and heapos;s a fucking wuss for not doing the same for me. Some best friend you are. Youapos;re not supposed to sleep with people you donapos;t care about. (double negatives are appropriate here).

and i keep fucking things up, universe, and saying all the wrong things. Why am i self sabotaging like this? i dont get it. If i was who i really am this shit wouldnt be going down.


im just overwraught with the stress of this. I just want to leave everything and start a new life again.

i dont want people to be interested in me for the reasons they are.

this is just a total bummer.


Jackee

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Had another 2.5 hr class with pascal hulin. Holy heck. Yesterdays combo was way cooler but todays was much easier. Either way, his choreo is so far from what the kids @ mdpa have learned. I have mixed feelings about the future of the 2 combos we learned. Weapos;re supposedly using it for upcoming competitions in addition to the stuff the comp tap teachers are choreographing. I dont think the numbers pascal taught will do well b/c theyapos;re too intricate and the students are just not up to par (yet). *sigh* i hopehopeHOPE that my bosses do not depend on me to remember and reteach the choreo. Iapos;d rather focus on MY DANCE and MY CHOREO b/c, at the end of the day, i want to prove myself as a choreographer in the competition world. OH WELL. Mixed feelings continue @ work.
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